Sunday, 13 March 2016

My brother, my abuser.

Hello there, my name is Terri, I'm 24-years-old, I thought I'd come here and share some of my life experiences.

I've recently went through a break up that's hit me pretty hard, I thought my ex was ‘the one’ but it turns out she didn't think the same.
I'm gonna write a bit about my life below.
I live in England in a city called Newcastle (yes, I'm a Geordie), I love it here and very proud of my roots.
I cant remember a lot from my childhood but I remember some key dates, 23 of April 1997 the day my baby sister was born (I wanted a brother), 28th of August 1997, my 6th birthday it should of been a happy day but I remember it as the day my brother first abused me.
The abuse went on until I was 11, sometimes it was just my brother and sometimes his friend joined in, those 5 years were the worst years of my life.
During the abuse, I remember feeling, scared, dirty, ashamed, guilty and helpless, I lay there to scared to move, I wanted to run and cry but I was stuck frozen and silent, afterwards I’d lay in my bed crying and shaking, I was 6 years old, I was a child and somebody I trusted, somebody I loved, kept hurting me over and over again. I didn't understand what I had done to deserve the abuse, I tried my best to be good, thinking it would stop but it didn't.
The 20th of September 2002, a month after I turned 11. I was on holiday in turkey with my mam, my nana and granddad, my little sister and my brother (the abuser). I got up early that morning, I went downstairs in the apartment we were renting, my granddad was sitting at the table reading the paper (it was in Turkish so I think he was just looking at the pictures) the sun was shinning bright through the apartment window and reflecting on the marble floor. I asked my granddad for some breakfast, he made me some cereal and I ate it at the table outside, after I finished I went upstairs to get ready, I wanted to go in the pool before everyone got up, I asked my granddad and he said it was fine as long as I was careful.
I had been in the pool about a hour when my brother (the abuser) came strolling out, as I seen him approach the pool my stomach started turning, I felt dizzy and sick, I had never been alone with him in a whole week, lucky just before he reached the pool, my little sister came running outside, my brother stopped and turned around to pick my sister up.
Later that day we we’re all sat outside eating lunch, we had a trip planned for that afternoon, my mum said we could go in the pool for an hour after lunch, so me and my little sister quickly finished our food and headed to the pool with a few other kids from the apartment block. I remember one boy in particular, he was Scottish, I think his name was Andrew, we became friends, me and Andrew started playing a game of tag and some of the other kids joined in, not long after my granddad came walking out of the apartment and slipped on some water and hurt his back. I got really told off for running and dripping water everywhere, I was a bit cheeky and my granddad grounded me and stopped me going on the trip we had booked, he said I had to stay behind with him and my nana. I was upset seeing my mum and sister leave so I went to my room to sulk, about 10 minutes later my nana shouted me down, my granddad was in pain and he needed to see a doctor, at that moment I turned to see my brother (the abuser) sitting at the table, he had decided to stay behind to help my nana, while granddad was poorly, my nana then said I would be staying with my brother while she took my granddad to the doctor, I could see how much pain he was in so I didn't argue. For the time in a week I was alone with my brother… That day was the last day the last day he abused me.

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